Catchphrase and lampshades

Catchphrase used to be amazing. I absolutely love the idea, no real intelligence is required, you just need to be able to put two and two together, and recognise common sayings. Incidentally, did you know that for the last few series’ of Catchphrase, rumour has it that Roy Walker was suffering from acute chronic back pain. That is purportedly why he had a look of vacant relief when he yelled at the top of his voice as frequently as possible classics such as “Yoooouuuuu’re Riiiiiiiiiight!” and “Eight Thoooooooiiiiiisaand Paaaaaaaaoooooinds!”. A brief moment of release, the consummate professional.
I say “incidentally”, as this amazing potential truth isn’t the main feature. In fact, this is:

Not too long ago (well, maybe a couple of years, long enough for it to be okay for me to be writing this, and when I was well into my twenties and not a child) I was sat in my friend’s living room, all set to watch Catchphrase. I was alone, my friends and their wonderful dad were in the dining room, everything was great. The game started, I got the first one, brill. I got the second one too, I figured that I must have gotten older and heard more sayings since I last saw the show, and that it was probably always this easy. I got the third one right. Game fucking on. By the first break I had got them all right, it was ridiculous. I was so excited, this was ace. Full concentration mode now, I kept on going, from strength to strength. I had gotten to the final round and answered every one. When it came to the bit through the middle with the “M” and shit my heart was in my mouth. I only bloody well even got the ones that she got wrong. I had done it, every question. I was so happy I actually jumped for joy, punching the air. Only it wasn’t just the air I uppercutted, it was the lampshade. Shit. I suddenly was in the throws of a bit of a panic. I picked up the broken glass, berating myself for being an idiot. But then objecting. I’m not an idiot, I just achieved something amazing. I went through to the other room with the broken glass lampshade.

“Oh my god, no?! What happened?”

How could I explain? Before I had even started to I was informed that this was a first anniversary present or something, and my friends’ parents have been together for a long time. All I could do was tell them how it went down. I kept on emphasising the fact that I had just gotten every answer right on Catchphrase, and I had a valid reason for jumping for joy. Somehow I don’t think that me being king of a sub-par at best TV show did much to give anyone closure.

The worst thing about it though, was that no one was angry at me, they were just sad.


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